Forget twelve steps—my recovery program is two easy breezy ones. Step one: admit you have a problem (preferably while sipping an espresso and checking the roots of a new pothos). Step two: realize “problem” is just a synonym for “hobby with benefits.” Sure, you could pay for therapy, join a support group, or count your days since the last impulse plant buy or triple shot latte. But why confess your sins when you can just confess to a bigger Monstera?
Honestly, my coping strategy is simple: if my coffee addiction still outruns my plant addiction, I call that balance. At worst, my living room looks like a jungle-themed café with the world’s most caffeinated barista, and at best, I’m just a philodendron away from enlightenment. So raise your mug and your watering can—if the only thing multiplying faster than your ferns is your caffeine intake, you’re not losing control, you’re living your best, botanically-charged, ultra-perky life. Celebrate that victory, one leaf and latte at a time!