From being sent to catch tank exhaust in a trash bag “for testing” to getting told to go ask Gunny for the PRC-E7 radio (spoiler: it doesn’t exist—just stand by for Gunny’s “what did you just say to me, boot?” speech), I’ve seen every boot prank in the Marine Corps playbook. I’ve watched new Marines walk halfway across base looking for a left-handed crescent wrench, a can of squelch, or the infamous “blinker fluid.” Once, someone told me to get 100 feet of flight line—still waiting for supply to issue that one.
Honestly, my coffee game never recovered. I learned to brew coffee in the Corps, which means it’s so thick and black it has its own MOS and could probably re-enlist. My recipe? One scoop grounds, two scoops attitude, and just enough water to make it pourable. The end result: a cup of Joe so strong, the spoon stands at parade rest until I order it to fall out.
If you ever wonder why Marines are wide awake at 0400, it’s not discipline—it’s because our coffee could strip paint off an LAV, and nobody wants to risk sleeping through morning formation after Gunny’s caught you on a wild goose chase for grid squares.