With the amount of useless trivia sloshing around in my brain, I’m basically a walking, talking, caffeine-powered episode of Jeopardy. I mean, did you know that the first-ever Jeopardy winner took home a whopping $345? Or that Alex Trebek once hosted an entire episode wearing no pants (don’t worry, you couldn’t see it on TV—true story, look it up)?
So when the “Plant Potpourri” category flashes up, it’s my moment: “I’ll take ‘Surprisingly Hardy Houseplants’ for $200, Ken!” I’ll casually drop knowledge like, “What is the spider plant, which once survived 520 days in space?” Or, “What is the Monstera deliciosa, which means ‘delicious monster’ and not, unfortunately, a leafy dessert?”
By Final Jeopardy, the other contestants will be sweating through their cardigans while I’m floating six inches off the set, totally high on the buzz the Jeopardy crew pumps in for peak performance. If only there were a category for “Ways to Kill a Cactus by Accident,” I’d be unstoppable.